Danni Before the SuperCoach Academy:
I was a people pleaser, always shifting and changing to please my clients. I was just saying and showing like I felt I “should” and hiding how much I actually know. I was always fearful of rejection so would take anyone on, and I just wanted to be loved and accepted.
Danni After Learning NLP with the SuperCoach Academy
I am a fearless leader for my mission. I have found true unconditional love and acceptance for myself. I speak authentically and no longer hide away from the knowledge and tools I hold to serve my clients. I now embody my self worth because my business is a bigger mission then me. I have become a shift changer instead of a people pleaser.
An updated post only 3 months after this one.
Bianca: Okay. So, Danni, what I have noticed… In the last few months, you have really dropped… I don’t know what it is, you’ve dropped a whole lot of BS stories, this baggage. You’re just standing up and shining. You’re just standing up, going, “I’ve got no time for that stuff that was pulling me back.”
And I can see it like there’s no barrier between what it is that you want to say, the truth that you want to say, and then bringing it out to the world.
It’s inspirational. Like, I can feel what you feel inside yourself. And it comes out in the language that you’re speaking and it’s interacting with the people that are around you. And I just keep on seeing this sort of web flashing up. And I think that’s the biggest part, right?
When you shine bright, you give other people permission to shine as well.
And it’s funny because I see that on the other side of you winning. What did you win? Tell me. What was that?
Danni: I won gold for the Wellness AusMumpreneur.
Bianca: And I just really saw you claiming it, claiming that crown. Susie was just asking what led up to that. So tell us all, because there’s plenty of backstory behind that.
Danni: Yeah, totally. Now that you’ve said that I’ve really claimed that award, I think what I’ve been through allowed me to claim that award. Because in the past I’ve won awards and done amazing things, but I’ve sort of hidden away from it.
So, I guess in 2021, it’s been years and years of work, so it hasn’t just happened in one year either. I’ve just really looked into not just the positive thinking side of personal development and working towards my goals and things like that. Because I was doing all of that and I was doing all of that really great work, but nothing was really shifting.
And so then I decided to start looking at my shadows, which is the part of you that isn’t serving you, but you kind of get a little bit of pleasure out of it.
I started really looking at my shadows and thinking, “Okay, what is it that is holding me back and why am I not achieving my goals?” And then I realized this goes way back to… It probably manifested when I was married to my ex-husband because he was abusive and all of those things. Like that real victim mentality.
And I realized that I sort of went, “I’m the victim” and “Ugh, this isn’t working for me.” And, “Oh yeah, I got this little bit, please don’t look at me,” type of thing. But I kind of got a little bit of pleasure out of that, which is so hard to face because…
Bianca: Is it like, “No, no, don’t tell me how great I am. No, don’t tell me!”
Danni: “Why is everyone thinking I’m great?” It was like that type of thing. Like, I wouldn’t let people know my achievements and then I would be upset because people wouldn’t know or recognize my achievements. It’s just crazy stuff.
So I did a lot of work, especially through the support of you and Kylie. I did a lot of work through that and just sat with it for a really long time, hit rock bottom, allowed that to sort of flow through.
And then I started making steps towards stepping into who I want to be. I guess we can use AusMumpreneur as a really great example.
So I won that award and just really celebrating that and making the most of it. So then we went to a conference. There was a conference up the coast for that.
You didn’t have to go because you could still get your award sent to you. And before this, I probably would have got my award sent to me and be like, “Oh yeah, I’ve got this,” and put like a little picture up on social media. But I’m like, “No, damn it. I’m going to go and I’m going to make the most of this.”
And going there with that attitude, I made so many connections. I made so many lifelong friends. I ran a retreat last weekend with a girl that I met there. It brought so many opportunities.
So I guess the greatest advice I can give to anyone is that if you feel like you’re doing all the right things that you get taught in being, like a good coach or a good businesswoman, and you’re taking all those steps and you’re still feeling stuck, there’s a shadow or something that is not serving you that you’re actually getting pleasure out of.
Bianca: That’s huge. And what do you really feel like? Doing the work, what does that look like?
Danni: I had to feel my feelings. Bianca knows I don’t like to do that very much.
I had to really journal out the things that were holding me back in a sense that didn’t make sense. “Why am I still showing up in social media…?” Because I fully believed myself that I’m showing up. “Why am I showing up in social media and people aren’t coming to me? Why am I not being recognized by my peers?”
Because I was never showing up or I wasn’t showing up to my peers, I wasn’t showing up on social media.
But then I was in that victim mentality, thinking, “Well, why me? Woe is me!”
So I had to really journal that out and the things that were actually the reason why I wasn’t getting anywhere. Does that make sense?
Bianca: Absolutely, because I always saw this disparity between the leadership you showed on social media. And then we would have our mastermind sessions and you’d say things like, “Oh, I’m not saying the things I want to say.” I’m like, “Babe, you said it perfectly.”
And then it was like the vision that you had for yourself was you were like this meek little mouse when we were talking. I’m like, “Babe, you’re like a ferocious lion, inspiring and influencing women on your social media.
You’re saying these great things and then on the other side of it saying that you can’t express yourself and you can’t get the right words. So it was kind of like that inner critic was really on the other side. You constantly had this battle between a part of you saying, “That’s not the right way. That’s not a good enough way.”
And I guess what you’re saying there is by saying to that critic part, “You’re only doing this so you can stay in victimhood, so that you can feel good about yourself, about your own victimhood, and so you can hide away.”
But you’ve got these two parts: one that wants to be visible and one that wants to complain against being visible. Because both parts want you to be safe and successful and thriving, they just have completely opposite ways of doing it.
It’s so funny because I thought, “Oh, she must have just needed that external validation to be like, ‘Right, now.'” But like you said, you already had plenty of awards before that, but it was the breakdown that you had before it that allowed you to break through to the other side.
Because, I mean, I don’t think anyone meeting you now would ever… I even remember being on a call when you came through your own personal development many, many years ago. Was that five years ago? Was it longer?
Danni: It was eight years ago.
Bianca: Was that eight years ago?
Danni: Eight years ago, I think, yeah.
Bianca: It’s been a long journey because even that call Kylie sort of spotlighted on to you and it was just too much for you. You were actually so choked up in your voice, Kylie had to just go, “We’ll just leave it with you for that. We’ll just leave it behind and we’ll go on to the next person.”
But your turn to speak, you were just completely choked up. That’s giving me goosebumps now to think about that.
Danni: It makes me want to cry hearing about it. It’s true.
Bianca: Yeah, because that was that whole part, right? Because of that abusive relationship, you kind of had internalized that domestic violence. So before you had actually a figure person in your life telling you those things. And then when you went on your own separate ways, you still kind of carried that with you because there’s still an element…
Danni: It was that unconscious mind, isn’t it? So it’s all those stories that were told to me, told to me, told to me, told to me. And then eventually I’d look in the mirror and I’d still be telling myself that same thing, because it was still there.
Bianca: Because it didn’t match up. Even eight years later, I’m like, “The person you think you are is not the person that I can see you being.” And it wasn’t even about highlight reels. It’s like the amount of dedication that you have to put in over eight years.
You’ve been certified in the Art of Transformational Coaching, you’ve been doing this work nonstop for yourself, for other women. You’re no flash in the pan expert, you’re not like a cookie cutter coach, overnight success who got your certificate on the back of a cereal box. You’re the real deal.
And that’s why I feel like now it’s like… She’s just stepping out and going for it. She just left it all behind.
So, therefore, was it the award?
Tell me about the darkest moment of that breakdown that made it just go, “I just got no time for you anymore.”
Danni: I think the darkest moment was when I was starting to have that transformation of really knowing my mission and knowing what I want. Then that’s when I realized who I was being wasn’t allowing me to achieve that.
I feel like crying while talking about it now. I was just like, “Well, I’m not being that person.”
Sometimes I’d have discussions with my husband and he’d talk about this person. I’m like, “No, that’s not her.” Because he’d see that person at home. And I’d be like, “No, that’s not her.” And then I’d sit and think about it.
Like I said to you, you have to actually face your shadows to work through it.
Bianca: And this is your new husband? Your loving and dedicated, new, fabulous husband?
Danni: Yes. And I’d really think, “Oh my goodness, I’m actually being that person on the inside, so I need to shift that.” That was the hardest thing – actually facing that and admitting that who you’re saying you weren’t, you actually were on the inside. So that’s really tough.
Bianca: Well, I just really love how this conversation has evolved too, because a lot of times for people in COVID, in the fitness industry, the start of the year is a scary time of the year because everybody… It’s motivating but it takes a while because you’ve spent December not really… Everybody’s partying. And yet, January is the beginning of the year, with the New Year’s resolutions, etc. And it can be a real sort of like scarcity mind at the time, but you have really had this evolution.
Even though you’ve got My Fit Tribe, you’ve also really stepped into this personal brand of Danni Vee and taking the essence of what you’ve always done with empowering women through fitness, and you’re helping empower women through their mindset and their health and their wellness, and taking up all of who you are and stepping into that next level.
And you’re just like, “Hey, guys. I’ve already got two people signed up for my 12-month. I’ve already got this membership done. I wrote this one. I didn’t do any sales for it. They just all came to me.” I’m like, “That’s you earning your magnetism.”
You spent all this time mastering your skills and you have been showing up. You were showing up as your future self, and it’s just taken the real life self to catch up through it.
Danni: So true.
Bianca: You’ve really owned that mission. And I think all those have really combined in this really charismatic, influential magnetism that just speaks really loudly. I’m so proud of you.
Danni: No, thank you, B. You’re amazing.
Bianca: No, I’ll cry.
Danni: We will cry.
Susie: Thanks for sharing that. That was really good to hear, Danni.
Danni: Thank you, Susie.
Susie: That’s really kind of confronting, going, “What you say you aren’t, you actually are on the inside.” I’m like, “Holy cow!” That’s true.
Danni: Yeah, that’s the most confronting aspect of… Like if you’re stuck somewhere, there’s a reason for it. And you’re in control of your own emotions, you’re in control of your own reality. We learned that through the NLP coaching. So when you actually own that, that’s where the transformation will actually happen.
After suffering a fairly serious breakdown I was unable to cope with life in general. My body felt broke, old and frail – I didn’t just feel middle aged, I felt half dead. I hadn’t realised that my body was self destructing and I was doing it to myself, working long hours, too much alcohol, lots of bad food and absolutely no exercise.
After six months of working with Bianca, I no longer need my blood pressure medication, anti depressants and my cholesterol is in a safe zone. I have lost 2 dress sizes and more than 26 kilos. I now have a life outside of our business and can see a happy, healthy future for our family. I hope the person I became never comes back as I like this girl so much better.
I had heard of Bianca through some magazines – it was an investment but I had tried and failed so many times but in six short months, 20 kilos melted off me and it had a massive and unexpected effect on our styling business. While working with Bianca we secured a national gig, increased our prices to a level we previously thought no one would pay, AND we were booked out weeks in advance.
The majority of this 20 kilo weight loss has only been 5% diet and exercise, the rest has been an emotional journey. Bianca confronted me and called me on my BS and challenged some of my most deeply help beliefs about who I am. And the results are undeniable. I haven’t completely quit drinking, I still get to eat chocolate, I’ve had the best year in my business EVER – and perhaps the most important thing is how differently I react to things emotionally.
Who knew that taking it slowly and being kind to yourself could get you the results that yelling at yourself couldn’t.
Before working with Bianca I was super stressed and I thought it was too hard and I didn’t have the time to be slim AND successful. But I was surprised at how easy it was to implement Bianca’s system – I haven’t counted calories and I still pig out on foods I love. It’s been no coincidence to me that as a result of the new clarity of mind I’ve actually doubled my business at the same time I’ve made these changes to my body.