I let a woman who wasn’t even close to my level psych me out of a competition.
Not with her body. With her Facebook status game.
Back in 2007 before we all had iPhones and wrote cringey statuses in the third person.
She was posting these updates about how ripped she was getting, being a champion, showing up for herself. And something in me just went deer in the headlights.
Because she believed she was ready. And I didn’t.
My inner critic was operating at a completely different altitude to her inner standard.
What I didn’t realise at the time – her bar for “good enough” was a world apart from the impossible standard I was holding myself to. But I couldn’t see that. All I could see was her certainty. And all I could feel was my own doubt.
I spiraled.
Weeks of dieting then binging. Convinced I’d wasted it. Convinced I’d blown everything. So I pulled out.
And then I watched her walk on stage.
And my heart sank.
Because in an instant I could see I had completely underestimated myself.
She was soft. Untested. The kind of physique you build doing whatever feels good that day
Meanwhile I’d been an elite athlete training hours a day since I was 14. I had a literal body of evidence that spoke before I did. I was already leap years ahead of her.
My genetics. My training history. My athleticism. My stage presence. All of it.
But there I was backstage. Being the helping hand for everyone else. Adjusting someone’s bikini. Holding someone’s water bottle.
While the woman whose Facebook post spooked me stood under the lights.She didn’t beat me. My own inner critic did. I handed her the win before we even started.
And this is the pattern I see now in almost every high performer I work with.
You’re already ahead. You’re already leagues beyond the people you’re comparing yourself to.
But your inner critic is holding a megaphone to every insecurity or false thought .… while everyone else gets credit for half the depth you’re carrying.
That’s not humility. That’s internalised patriarchy doing exactly what it was designed to do. Making sure you never feel as powerful as you actually are.
Women with the credentials, the results, the skill, the depth. Rattled by someone with half the substance but twice the self-belief. When you on your worst day have more mastery in your little pinky than they’ve built in their entire career.
And instead of questioning their audacity, you question your own readiness. This is when your achievements have outpaced your identity. And until you close that gap, you’ll keep handing the stage to someone else.
So let me ask you something.
Where are you the most qualified person in the room who still won’t take the stage because you think you’re still “not ready” ?
Cos I’m calling Bullshit
When your achievements have outpaced your identity, you’ll hand over your victory to someone who simply decided they deserved it.
When will you decide that person is going to be you?
.
