It’s been a long time since I have done a Facebook live. I’ve had three small humans that are kind of taking up my entire life. But in amongst that, obviously, there’s a bunch of chaos, there’s a bunch of real crisis that’s happening around us – and I’ve been having a lot of really interesting and valuable conversations with a lot of people around how to feel more self-centered and how to really gravitate towards a place of harmony and happiness despite all the chaos that’s happening around you.
Whilst we’re all sort of finding our normal routine thrown into chaos, there is a lot space too. There is also a lot of time for reflection, time for reassessment of where you’re at and what’s really important to you. Where are you actually going? What are you doing?
And I don’t mean going in terms of right here right now. But in terms of the trajectory of your life to this point and going forward, where you are setting yourself up?
I’ve kind of been in a self-imposed quarantine or lockdown for at least 7 months whilst I’ve been raising babies, so I have had a lot of thought put into this.
I have been seeing clients during this time. Helping other people is actually what’s important for my identity and my feeling of self-worth – and it’s something that I haven’t been stepping into completely as the way that I could have been.
I guess it’s kind of thrown me right back into the very core of my own lessons, of my own willingness to stand out and be seen and be a leader and not be perfect and not have everything polished and really controlling the outcome. There’s been a lot of life lessons for me in that respect.
What I really wanted to talk to you guys about today is that when we think of value… the value of toilet paper has really skyrocketed in these times, right? But maybe we’ve had some reassessment in terms of what’s actually valuable to us. I think when it comes down to it, our health, our happiness, our family, and our sense of safety is probably what’s really most important to us.
There are so many things out there that we absolutely can’t control – and that’s a really new and scary feeling for a lot of people to realize there’s a bunch of stuff that’s just completely out of your control.
Going forward, we can listen to the government and we can do as much as we possibly can – but it’s actually our own internal guidance system. This is what I had to use when the doctors were telling me, “Hey, you’ve got 3 babies growing there, are you sure you don’t want to selectively terminate one or more of them?”
And for me my instinct was like, “Hell no! I can’t do that. I’m a mother and that’s not my choice.”
I’m not making judgments on anybody else who’s made any of those decisions before. I just mean for me, in terms of what I could control, I could control that sense of instinct, that sense of guiding light of who I really am on the inside – and that connection, that voice within was like, “Hell no! No way!”
What I feel is happening now, it’s like we’re just always looking to the government, looking to these authorities, or looking to our immediate surroundings, on other people to tell us how we can be safe. And ultimately that’s up to you. Ultimately that’s what you’ve actually got in control with you.
Feeling safe within your body, I think, is actually the number one most valuable thing for us right now. Especially for me, any mother, anyone who’s in charge of a family, anyone who’s in charge of the care for others, your most important role is being safe and secure within yourself. And that’s not just on a physical level. It’s an emotional, it’s a spiritual, it’s a mental level. There are many aspects of that.
I was having a conversation with a client – and a lot of these times it’s about the choices that we make, especially around what we put into our bodies. One of these ladies was telling me that she was getting really great results following a certain type of eating that really made her body feel light, feel vibrant, feel alive, and she really trimmed down and had a lot of energy – but she found that long-term it wasn’t sustainable for her.
I’ve been having conversations with amazing, strong people in my life who are making me challenge these ideas of what is really sustainable and are you actually making this choice, this conversation, this conclusion around what’s sustainable in terms of your value, what you are actually valuing at that time.
I would actually say that because we are so used to doing things and treating our body like it’s something that needs to be chastised, like it’s a naughty little school kid that can’t be trusted, that will betray us any moment, that needs to be reprimanded for the way that it’s showing up in the world without realizing our body’s actually just doing the best it possibly can from the stresses, the choices that we make each and everyday.
The biggest thing that can actually make a change and make a real impact for you in terms of how you feel in your body is who you’re resonating in terms of who you’re being right now, what you value right now.
When you are actually trying to hate yourself healthy or punish yourself slim, it doesn’t matter what choices you make, it doesn’t matter what other side benefits you get from following a certain protocol in terms of how you eat. Eventually you’re going to get some results, eventually you’re going to get far enough away from that horrible critical mindset that made you take a bunch of extreme action – and suddenly things are not going to be that valuable.
In 6 months time the value of toilet paper is probably going to have a massive dive, because people are going to have heaps of toilet paper and you’d just be giving it away.
It’s the same with the value of the results of a certain way of eating has actually given you suddenly now creates less value within your body because you’re not having all those horrible symptoms you had before – feeling really tired, rushing to the toilet, IBS, hating what you see in the mirror.
If you get to a place where you feel like healthy, vibrant eating is not sustainable, and yet going to the McDonald’s drive thru becomes more and more happening, what’s really happening is that you’re having this value mismatch – and it came initially from a place of you actually just wanted to punish and beat yourself into compliance.
And it wasn’t coming from a place of, “Here’s where I’m at, here’s who I’m being. I’m being somebody who really loves, appreciates, and honours my body, and listens to what it wants to eat, listens to how it feels when I eat that way.”
I was having a conversation with a client the other day and she said, “When I’m preparing my meals, when I’m always thinking about the food that I have to eat throughout the day, it feels extreme, it feels like it’s hardcore.”
And I said, “Well, when you are really being responsible for your body, you do have to look after your food, you do have to think about it. When you have a family, you have got to think everyday, ‘What am I going to put on the table for lunch? What am I going to put on the table for dinner? What are the snacks?”
And she said, “Well, I’ve never been a healthy person, I haven’t grown up around a healthy family. I didn’t know that that’s what healthy people do.”
It really enlightened me that so many of my clients are trying to do things thinking, “Oh, that’s what healthy people do,” as opposed to when you come back to the state of beingness, in a state of what things you truly actually value.
When you actually value your body, your value your state of health. When you value how you feel within your body, of course it makes it an easy, effortless choice for you to do a bunch of things that continue that feeling, do a bunch of things that resonate and allows you continue that vibration.
When you actually think about three concentric circles, who you’re being is at the core. What you do is a reflection of who you’re being, of the value that you feel like you have. And then on the outside is what you have.
Most of the time people see this outside concentric circle and go, “Oh, look at what she has. I want to look like you. I want to have what you’re having.” They imitate what they can see on the outside or the things that that person does – but neglecting who is that person right on the core center of your being.
Something that really helped one of my clients who has dropped 15 kilos in this time of chaos over the last 8 weeks or so… she actually got to a place of going, “Oh, I don’t eat that food because I’m not putting that in my body. I love myself enough that I wouldn’t put that crap in my body.” And that was a huge light bulb for her as opposed to, “Oh, I didn’t realize that that’s what healthy people do.”
When we feel like we’re being told and dictated to something that we have to do, then our inner child is just going to rebel against it.
I guess it’s really coming back down to the belief that perpetuates all this disharmony in your body is this idea that “I’ll be happy when…” This idea of postponing your happiness, the idea that you have to change something externally around you before you can have inside out self-love and before you can really accept from where you are right now.
It’s such a huge egotistical facade, a fake, a farce – but it’s something that will drive people on a diet, off a diet, on a diet, off a diet, feel like they are making a decision between either being fat forever or having to go get gastric surgery.
And when you think about that, the person you’re being right at the core of you isn’t changing.
If you can’t hate yourself happy, if you can’t hate yourself slim so that therefore you can be happy, so then your only last choice is to cut out part of your stomach, how is that not just a huge representation of who you’re being is still going to give you results of having that critical person where that sense of happiness, that sense of safety, that sense of beingness within your body will always be elusive to you?
I guess this has really just been a bit of a download for me. Thank you so much for being a part of my proper livestream since having triplets – and just realizing that there is a call in all of us, there is that little niggling voice that tells us, “Hey, there’s somewhere that you’re being off-path, there’s somewhere that you’re experiencing these external results, external consequences that don’t really show up as what you really value, what you really want to attract into your life or who you really are and what you really want to cultivate.”
If you can create a place where you feel safe enough to inspect those things, you can get that sense of safety back in your body.
I just do a really simple process with my clients. We do a big brain dump about what is it that’s showing up for us right now that we don’t want, that we hate, that we want the opposite of. What is it that we don’t want? What is it that we do want instead? And what would the impact be of us having them?
And then when you start looking into that list of the impact things, that actually gives us a real key on how you could be being or how you could be really showing up in the world and modelling a calm, confident person that has plenty of trust to only think about the things that they can control and surrender the things that they can’t control.
I actually have a really cool process that’s called an Emotional Eating Trigger Analysis. It will help you work through some of those things.
I’m really just being a student of this process, a student of seeing what shows up for women and how it displays in their external reality and how their inner dialogue is setting themselves up for that.
I’ve just set aside a few spaces each week over this time. Completely free. Just an audit basically to help figure out where you have been off track, where you can actually get on track – and maybe just show you how to realign what’s really most valuable to you so that you can make your body a safe place and a safe pace for the people around you that really depend on you.
I’ll give you some insights as to what really has been holding you back, where you can start moving the needle just to stop putting that feeling of safety, that feeling of harmony, that feeling of self-acceptance, at a long list of things that have to happen in order for you to feel like that.
Just to kind of get you back into the driver seat of your thoughts, realign your values – and see where you can just really create some confidence and resilience in not only your body but the world around you.
Thanks for joining me.
I’ve set aside a few spaces this week to help you through my Emotional Eating Audit process – if you’d like to get my thoughts on what’s going on with you please go here.
After suffering a fairly serious breakdown I was unable to cope with life in general. My body felt broke, old and frail – I didn’t just feel middle aged, I felt half dead. I hadn’t realised that my body was self destructing and I was doing it to myself, working long hours, too much alcohol, lots of bad food and absolutely no exercise.
After six months of working with Bianca, I no longer need my blood pressure medication, anti depressants and my cholesterol is in a safe zone. I have lost 2 dress sizes and more than 26 kilos. I now have a life outside of our business and can see a happy, healthy future for our family. I hope the person I became never comes back as I like this girl so much better.
I had heard of Bianca through some magazines – it was an investment but I had tried and failed so many times but in six short months, 20 kilos melted off me and it had a massive and unexpected effect on our styling business. While working with Bianca we secured a national gig, increased our prices to a level we previously thought no one would pay, AND we were booked out weeks in advance.
The majority of this 20 kilo weight loss has only been 5% diet and exercise, the rest has been an emotional journey. Bianca confronted me and called me on my BS and challenged some of my most deeply help beliefs about who I am. And the results are undeniable. I haven’t completely quit drinking, I still get to eat chocolate, I’ve had the best year in my business EVER – and perhaps the most important thing is how differently I react to things emotionally.
Who knew that taking it slowly and being kind to yourself could get you the results that yelling at yourself couldn’t.
Before working with Bianca I was super stressed and I thought it was too hard and I didn’t have the time to be slim AND successful. But I was surprised at how easy it was to implement Bianca’s system – I haven’t counted calories and I still pig out on foods I love. It’s been no coincidence to me that as a result of the new clarity of mind I’ve actually doubled my business at the same time I’ve made these changes to my body.