I didn’t do any dieting.
I hardly did any exercise.
So, whilst I’ve been enjoying my recently found body love freedom, I totally discounted that this “secret formula” that I worked so hard to create, and dug so deep to understand – could still be of great value to other women struggling with the same issues I used to have.
Kylie calls it “The Curse of the Expert” – when you forget that you didn’t use to know what you know……
So I created this video in the moment to help you uncover the 3 major milestones I had to embrace in order to arrive.
I have a little confession to make…
I realized that there’s so much more to this weight loss gig that’s holding women back, and I kind of felt a little bit silly for talking about weight loss.
I’ve lost 28 kilos in the past year. I didn’t do any dieting. I hardly did any exercise.
Coming from an elite CrossFitter who trained 6 times a week and did full-on macronutrient balancing, Paleo challenges, and I know how to do it all – I did none of that. Still, I managed to get my flat tummy back after having a 9-pound baby.
I was just sort of sitting here and I ate me a bit of pie, a bit of Bavarian cheesecake, and I realized I really need to reach out and meet you guys where you’re at.
I want to be more compassionate, because as I’m finishing off that really yummy chocolate mousse and iced confection, I realized it’s such a long time that I really berated myself for the food that I ate that it kind of feels foreign. It kind of feels like it’s not a big problem anymore.
I suppose I’ve got that curse now of not realizing how many people and how many women are still strapped inside that prison of getting frustrated, having a trigger, eating something that’s “bad” or” naughty” and then completely going off your plan and beating yourself up about it all day. Until even if you’ve been eating well for a week and then you eat the tiniest thing that’s wrong then you think “Oh, I’ve blown it!” … and then you go off the wagon again.
Let me just distill to you. Sometimes I feel like people who haven’t struggled with their weight, they miss out on the amazing journey of self-love and appreciation. That something as transparent and easily seen as excess weight actually allows you when you go on that journey of realizing what have you been holding yourself back from.
So, excess weight really is just an expression of self-rejection. It’s that heaviness that gets displayed from our inner mind. It’s like a projector. Our body is just a projector of the thoughts that are going on in our mind.
Even if I get stubborn body fat or clients in the past who’ve gotten stubborn body fat, let’s not look first and foremost at the food. Let’s look first and foremost at the stressful thoughts that happen in the mind, and that might also make you reach out to eating food that’s not beneficial. So many people get caught up with “Oh, I can’t eat this, I can’t eat that, I can’t eat this” and most of the time it’s actually about the feelings about the food that are more fashioning than the food itself.
One of our amazing clients, Suzanne, she’s lost 73 kilos in the last 2 years, and she even had a family tragedy where she ate a whole bunch of ice cream for a whole week. She didn’t think it would put on any weight, and so it didn’t. From somebody who’s been a lifelong dieter since they were 4.
Imagine if you were to take away that perception that this food is bad or you’re good or your moral value as a person can be adjusted simply by the foods that you eat or you don’t eat. See how off-track we are?
The first one is your inner critic. It’s that thing of always thinking that things should be different. And that turns up a lot in comparisonitis. Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, “That shouldn’t look like that.” And what are you doing when you’re saying that? You’re comparing yourself to another ideal.
When you stop comparing yourself, when you recognize and celebrate yourself, you actually let go of this idea that you’re broken. And when you’re not constantly running this radio station of saying, “I’m broken, I need to be fixed; I’m broken, I need to fixed…” you stop doing the emotional eating triggers, you stop doing the overindulgence, you stop doing all those things that make you feel like, “Oh, I’ve got to punish myself healthy on a fitness challenge.”
When you recognize and celebrate yourself, you actually let go of this idea that you’re broken.
If you were just to take away that inner critic – that’s just trying to keep you safe in a really not very nice way, in the only way it knows how – and if you were start celebrating your unique qualities and characteristics … Like what I worked so hard for so long was trying to get a six-pack abs and be a body sculpting champion, but that’s actually a really masculine way for my body to look like. I have to work really, really hard for that. And then when I realized becoming a mother, I actually like being curvy and having big boobies. You know, I like my big butt.
As I started embracing more of these things about my genetic biotype, as I started embracing more of these characteristics that are inherent and unique to me, I actually just stopped eating as much. I actually just really relished the food that I ate. I enjoyed it. I was present when I ate it. I didn’t have this never-ending checklist of all this punishing action that I’m going to do to my body. Because that’s what kicks off your internal fat switch, that’s what kicks off the hormonal chain reaction that says, “You’re not safe and you’ve got to slow your metabolism down.”
The thoughts that you think about the food is more fattening than the food itself.
It’s like an evolutionary fail-safe system where your body wants to slow your metabolism down, it wants to make you crave fatty foods and hold on to fat really stubbornly. They’re all the things that are happening when you’re being critical. That’s why I say the thoughts that you think about the food is more fattening than the food itself. Pretty gnarly, huh?
So, letting go of the inner critic and giving that part of you a place to be heard. Not like shutting a child in a cupboard way and saying, “You don’t get to have an opinion.” It’s not kicking that part of you when she’s down; showing her all the other instances of where you’re an amazing, incredible, beautiful powerhouse to the people that matter, not these invisible other people that you don’t even know that you’re constantly trying to impress.
When you recognize that you’re the queen of your world, you get to make up your own rules. Sound cool? That’s the first one – letting go of your inner critic.
The second one is self-sabotage. We always think of self-sabotage as the actual act of eating the naughty food or not turning up to gym, but it actually happens way back. The self-sabotage got set up when you thought that willpower would overcome your subconscious mind.
Your subconscious mind is like the 90% of the iceberg that’s below the surface that can derail the Titanic, and your willpower is by the conscious mind. It’s that little 10% on the top. And you think “Oh, I’m going to go to the gym, I’m going to force myself, I’m going to do this, it’s going to be great, it’s going to be fabulous!” … and it doesn’t happen like that. Because as soon as you just take your eye off the prize, your subconscious powerhouse will override you.
The self-sabotaging behaviors of you not sticking to your diet or your fitness plan, that’s just the symptoms of the underlying condition.
For me, I’ve actually really stepped out on some unconscious sabotaging behavior which was keeping me hidden. Have you ever felt that thing of wanting to be seen and wanting to be appreciated, maybe wanting to be attractive to the opposite sex, but then also horrified at the same time? The feeling of being judged, of being unsafe? I totally was running that paradigm.
It’s like I had this foot on the accelerator and a foot on the hand brake. And no matter how hard I pushed this way, when I wasn’t looking … Oh, a Toblerone fell into my mouth. And then I beat myself up about it with the inner critic.
There’s no point of trying to change it on the outside; it’s about changing it right at the root cause.
So when you actually have a coach, you have mentors, you have a switched-on community that can help you understand that the problem is an emotional problem back in the past that you need to heal. The self-sabotaging behaviors of you not sticking to your diet or your fitness plan, that is actually the part when you went off-track. That’s just the symptoms of the underlying condition.
There’s no point of trying to change it on the outside; it’s about changing it right at the root cause. And as I’ve healed that, I don’t really mind, I don’t really care. It’s like, whoops, stop running around the house in bra and undies all the time because then the delivery man will come and get a shock. And when you don’t care and you take off these brakes, then your subconscious doesn’t have to try and keep the extra weight on to hold you back.
The third one was I actually really wasn’t looking at the big picture. I was trying to use all my power to muscle and force my body to achieve this result, and I wasn’t accessing presence or pleasure.
These are the three circles of Kylie and mine’s Queen Key: Power, Presence and Pleasure.
Because I was trying to force it and force it and force it, I wasn’t having any fun. So I always use fun with food, and that’s where I got my pleasure.
I was never present. I was always scrolling. I was always thinking how great my life was going to be in the future when I finally lost the weight. I was never present with the people who I cared about the most, so I didn’t get to receive the pleasure from just something as simple as sitting and hanging out with friends.
We help women tap into those undernourished aspect of themselves.
That’s actually what we help women do. We help them tap into those undernourished aspect of themselves.
I used to have sessions with Kylie, and then I’d have wisdom coming through my Higher Self and it was all about: “Instead of worrying about a diet, why don’t you go sit out with the dogs and give the dogs a pat?” That’s what my inner guidance would say to me.
And so, I remember doing it and going, “How is this going to make me skinny?” But honestly, the path was actually trying to look at those sort of thoughts that thought I was broken, that I needed to be skinny in the first place. Who knew that it was actually the thought that was the problem, not the behavior that was the problem.
What I was able to heal from that is I got smart, I leveled up, I understood the structures of my mind. That’s where I’ve got my NLP Certification – through My Mind Coach, Australia’s most comprehensive NLP Certification. From a cheeky babe who’s laughing at me right now and sending me all these little laughing emoticons and distracting me.
When you have a mentor who has the ability to see a higher possibility for you and help you tap into yourself, that 90% of the iceberg actually starts working for you.
But when you have a mentor who has the ability to see a higher possibility for you and who’s kind of like, “Oh, what are you doing that for? Just do this…” and help you tap into yourself, that 90% of the iceberg actually starts working for you. So you don’t have the self-sabotage because your conscious desires and your subconscious desires are aligned. And that’s when there’s no added stress that you’re trying to keep weight on or trying to do sabotaging behaviors.
Doing things healthfully, having a more calm and relaxed inner radio – all of those things contribute to letting your body know that there’s nothing that you need to protect yourself with this extra weight. When you stop leading with self-projection and instead tap into the fat-burning powers, the calming, healing infinite powers of self-acceptance, it just stops mattering, you don’t care so much.
If only I wasn’t so obsessed all those years and cared so much all those years, I would have arrived here much faster. Who knew?
So it’s when you actually discover your relationship to these other areas of Power, Pleasure and Presence. When you see how you’re leaking your Feminine Power to these areas and it’s showing up in your relationships, in your money, in your career opportunities, in your body image, in your health habits, when you look at it from a big picture, you can recognize what’s actually holding you back. And it’s not more dieting, more counting macros, or more white knuckling grip of trying to create a result for yourself by punishing yourself healthy.
We actually have a really, really cool Personal Power Diagnostic Quiz, where you can actually download a quiz that will help you figure out the areas that you are leaking your power. And if you want to know what the big picture is for you, I’ve only got a small amount of time but I’ve got a 15-minute power chat, a personal power audit that I’m happy to offer for the first 10 people who see this.
I don’t have heaps of time, I’m a mum now. But if you see this and you want to figure out what’s actually holding you back on the big picture so that you can have those kind of results as well, click here so you can fill out your diagnostic and then book in for a 15-minute power chat, and we will diagnose those areas of yourself. Because if you just learnt into those areas a bit more, you would be able to access so much more of that effortless, easy weight loss, acceptance of yourself.
There’s so many people who get on the phone with me and say, “Hey, what’s the purpose of losing weight? I just want to be able to be free to be me.” Guess what? You don’t need to lose weight in order to do that. You don’t need to change anything outside of yourself to be more comfortable with who you are. You change the inner critic that tells you, “You are not free to be you.”
Thanks so much for being on this journey with me. We’re here to help. We want to help you access your ultimate potential so that you can be the Reigning Queen in every area of your life.
After suffering a fairly serious breakdown I was unable to cope with life in general. My body felt broke, old and frail – I didn’t just feel middle aged, I felt half dead. I hadn’t realised that my body was self destructing and I was doing it to myself, working long hours, too much alcohol, lots of bad food and absolutely no exercise.
After six months of working with Bianca, I no longer need my blood pressure medication, anti depressants and my cholesterol is in a safe zone. I have lost 2 dress sizes and more than 26 kilos. I now have a life outside of our business and can see a happy, healthy future for our family. I hope the person I became never comes back as I like this girl so much better.
I had heard of Bianca through some magazines – it was an investment but I had tried and failed so many times but in six short months, 20 kilos melted off me and it had a massive and unexpected effect on our styling business. While working with Bianca we secured a national gig, increased our prices to a level we previously thought no one would pay, AND we were booked out weeks in advance.
The majority of this 20 kilo weight loss has only been 5% diet and exercise, the rest has been an emotional journey. Bianca confronted me and called me on my BS and challenged some of my most deeply help beliefs about who I am. And the results are undeniable. I haven’t completely quit drinking, I still get to eat chocolate, I’ve had the best year in my business EVER – and perhaps the most important thing is how differently I react to things emotionally.
Who knew that taking it slowly and being kind to yourself could get you the results that yelling at yourself couldn’t.
Before working with Bianca I was super stressed and I thought it was too hard and I didn’t have the time to be slim AND successful. But I was surprised at how easy it was to implement Bianca’s system – I haven’t counted calories and I still pig out on foods I love. It’s been no coincidence to me that as a result of the new clarity of mind I’ve actually doubled my business at the same time I’ve made these changes to my body.