In a session recently with one of my beautiful clients, she told me:
“Over my lifetime, I have lost a significant amount of weight several times. I can keep it off for a while until something happens or life seems to get in the way – and I notice those bad habits start to creep back in. Until I realize I’ve let it get it so bad that I’m all the way back to where I was before, with interest.”
Today I want to share with you the 3 hidden and subconscious reasons why high-performing women can regain stubborn weight no matter how hard they’ve worked to lose it.
I’m also going to share with you the 3 essential steps that you must take in order to recalibrate your body’s emotional weight set point, so that the weight that comes off is a long-term solution even if it fluctuates, without obsessing about calories or binging and then beating yourself up.
By addressing your emotional weight as well as your eating behaviors, it doesn’t matter if you slip into bad habits for a while or go away on a holiday, or maybe something happens like you fall pregnant, or you get injured, or there’s a crisis at work.
In this video I want to share with you the exact steps that every one of the incredible emotional healing weight loss success stories that you see on my website actually went through and processed on their own personal journey.
One example is Rachel, an emergency department nurse with PTSD and a traumatic childhood. She implemented these results and lost 7 kilos over a 90 day period – and she did it without having to train harder, lift heavier, and eat less and less.
But this isn’t just what’s worked for my clients, this is the key to success for any woman who’s ever gotten off the weight loss rollercoaster and redefined her identity as a healthy, fit, trim, slim woman. And it’s a philosophy shared by many of the world’s top mind and body experts.
If you struggled with your weight for a long period of time, especially in those formative years of childhood or adolescence, there’s a lot of baggage that you end up carrying around – and that’s physical and emotional.
Now a diet can trick your body to losing weight – but actually stats say that 95 percent of dieters put the weight back on within 1 to 5 years. So it’s kind of like trying to hold a volleyball down underwater. Eventually when you stop applying pressure, it’s like all that force shoots back up in the air until you’re back to where you’re started.
Yes, those habits may have reared their ugly head again – but they’re just a symptom of not having healed the underlying trauma or emotional, mental, physical reasons for why the body wants to hold on to that weight in the first place.
And what might surprise you, it’s also about the emotional charge, the anxiety or the subconscious fears that you may feel about what actually means to be in that ideal healthy, slim, trim, toned body.
Now something I don’t think is spoken a lot about is all the new emotions and feelings and ways of being when you have lost a significant amount of weight. Sometimes it can feel like you’re a completely different person or even the way other people start treating you.
Yes, it can feel really exciting and you get lots of encouragement and lots of compliments – but you can also attract some criticism and snarky comments from family members as well.
Suddenly a whole load of opportunities open up for you. There are a bunch of things that you could do that you couldn’t do in the past – things like buying new clothes, going on adventures, actually participating when it comes to holidays, and having a regular health routine that actually just makes you feel really proud of yourself.
When you have a lot of your identity wrapped up around your struggle with weight, or being a big girl, or having been bullied, or even secret trauma from your past, there’s actually a bunch of subconscious beliefs that get in the way of successfully losing weight and keeping it off long-term.
For many women who struggle with this, a part of them feels like they don’t deserve it, like it’s too good to be true when it can’t possibly last. And as a result, there’s a lot of anxiety around food rules, or even go numb and just not wanting to think about it and just kind of bury it. It’s kind of like being irresponsible about the issue.
And there’s often an unreasonable amount of anxiety and fear that the weight that’s been lost is going to come back on – and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1. Secret eating.
There will be lots of secret eating. Kind of think about eating Red Rooster in the carpark and mindless eating where there’s just a bunch of wrappers and you think, “What the hell’s just happened?” So there’s overeating that happens subconsciously and mindless and shameful eating as well.
2. Eating with a lot of guilt.
If you’ve only ever been taught how to lose weight with super strict plans, as soon as you let those guidelines fall away, then eating in moderation is kind of a really foreign concept – and it’s really difficult to know what the satiety levels are to trust your body if you’ve never even learnt how to do that.
3. Mental, physical and emotional exhaustion.
There’s just so much exhaustion mentally, physically and emotionally. That plan that worked so well, that plan that just requires so much effort and time, it just wasn’t sustainable. It was literally destined to fail long-term.
1. Release “Goal Weight” Anxiety
Seek out a professional to help you overcome the anxiety or negative emotional charge you felt, or you buried, or you ignored, or you were not aware of when you were at that goal weight.
These signs show up that might be as simple as just brushing up a compliment, or making jokes that are self-berating, or just playing down your achievements. Or it might also be that that weight or that time in your life represents a negative or trying or emotional time that you don’t want to replicate again.
2. Make Peace with Current State
Make peace with the negative charge that you feel about being your current state – and identify all the positive reasons why it’s serving you and actually keeping you safe. This step is also about reducing the overwhelming positive charge that you also have about that ideal goal weight.
So the polarity of the two – feeling super negative about where you’re at and overinflating how great life is going to be when you get to that weight – that’s actually what creates the pendulum effect, the yo-yo dieting. Understanding that that’s not magical unicorn land and neither is this a mystical, horrible, hell burning byland, letting go of the emotional charge, you start to navigate your life and your eating habits in a much more balanced way.
3. Effective & Sustainable Plan
Then it’s about finding a plan that allows you to make small habits over time consistently and doesn’t trade off efficiency for sustainability. You got to get the results as well as it’s going to be sustainable.
4. Nurture your New Identity
Think about what is supposed to happen once you’re that ideal weight. What are all the hopes and dreams that perhaps you’ve just been holding yourself back from, waiting for the weight, and actually using it as an excuse to stay stuck and not living your purpose?
Now there’s a lot of stories that people who’ve struggled with their weight for a long time have made up in their head about how “I’ll be able to do this, and then I won’t have this anymore. and then I’ll finally be able to live my most passionate purpose-filled life”.
Well, guess what?
Your weight doesn’t have anything to do with that.
And to compound this is that the stories that you’re telling yourself up here are just manifesting in your physical body.
When you finally accept that you’re worthy enough to follow your dreams regardless of your weight, that’s when all those stories start falling away, that’s when all those reasons to stay stuck with these excess outer layers don’t have a purpose anymore – and gaining life is actually the most effective weight loss strategy of all.
After suffering a fairly serious breakdown I was unable to cope with life in general. My body felt broke, old and frail – I didn’t just feel middle aged, I felt half dead. I hadn’t realised that my body was self destructing and I was doing it to myself, working long hours, too much alcohol, lots of bad food and absolutely no exercise.
After six months of working with Bianca, I no longer need my blood pressure medication, anti depressants and my cholesterol is in a safe zone. I have lost 2 dress sizes and more than 26 kilos. I now have a life outside of our business and can see a happy, healthy future for our family. I hope the person I became never comes back as I like this girl so much better.
I had heard of Bianca through some magazines – it was an investment but I had tried and failed so many times but in six short months, 20 kilos melted off me and it had a massive and unexpected effect on our styling business. While working with Bianca we secured a national gig, increased our prices to a level we previously thought no one would pay, AND we were booked out weeks in advance.
The majority of this 20 kilo weight loss has only been 5% diet and exercise, the rest has been an emotional journey. Bianca confronted me and called me on my BS and challenged some of my most deeply help beliefs about who I am. And the results are undeniable. I haven’t completely quit drinking, I still get to eat chocolate, I’ve had the best year in my business EVER – and perhaps the most important thing is how differently I react to things emotionally.
Who knew that taking it slowly and being kind to yourself could get you the results that yelling at yourself couldn’t.
Before working with Bianca I was super stressed and I thought it was too hard and I didn’t have the time to be slim AND successful. But I was surprised at how easy it was to implement Bianca’s system – I haven’t counted calories and I still pig out on foods I love. It’s been no coincidence to me that as a result of the new clarity of mind I’ve actually doubled my business at the same time I’ve made these changes to my body.