|Imagine me sitting down for dinner at a Gala event as a finalist for a Business award. We’re all dressed up for this special occasion and my proud and loving husband asks for a photo together. I’m happy to oblige but when I see my image on the screen – I am horrified.
I look like a podgy blueberry trying to stuff itself into a shapeless sack. My arms are grotesque sausages, my belly is a bloated tyre and there’s a disgusting layer of fat around my chin.
I feel a red wave of embarrassment, shame and disgust wash over me, OMG HOW could I have let this happen?
To add insult to injury I also notice my thighs are sore from chafing, all I want to do is leave immediately and cry on the way home. But I have to stay – they’re about to call my name to go up on stage FFS!
It was only 12 months earlier that I had completely transformed my body on a mammoth diet and exercise challenge. I was a size 10, with visible abs, a sharp jawline, slim thighs and rock hard buns. I actually went on to win “Miss Brisbane” in a Body Sculpting competition and they even featured my Before & After transformation in Oxygen Magazine!
After gorging myself at the celebratory dinner I woke up the next morning puffy, bloated and with a raging headache. After eating so clean for so long – my body reacted violently to the tornado of salt, sugar and fat I’d plunged myself in.
I remember pinching my stomach in horror thinking “OH MY GOD I AM ALREADY GETTING FAT AGAIN!” (And I was equally pissed because all that food I dreamed of for so long – didn’t even live up to the hype!!!)
Instead of being super proud of my achievements – I was a victim of my ruthlessly high standards. You’d think I would have gotten “right back on the bandwagon” after that wouldn’t you?
But I was like, “Hang on, let’s just have a few more “treat meals” before I start again…”
And then I was like Homer salivating over “beer battered friiiiieees”…..
“I’ll start Monday” happened week after week after week…..
Then, it was like a movie screen flashing before my eyes, months of working hard on the computer, staying up late, rushing around skipping meals and eating junk on the run…
I would collapse on the couch like a slobbering walrus at 8pm and then be wide awake at 2am stressing and anxious about the day ahead…
I remembered the caffeine that pepped me up in the mornings, the chocolate that kept me going through the afternoon and the secret guilty bowls of ice cream every other night I had just for a bit of “fun”.
It all started to blur into one big, hot, fat mess… Now I remembered exactly how I got like this.
Even though after my challenge I had lost over 17kgs from when I started- from that very first Sunday blow out I just couldn’t help thinking I was always just varying degrees of “fat” in comparison to that ultra lean (and completely unrealistic) version of me.
And seeing that Gala Event photo was like getting punched in the face with the reality of all those negative choices.
I was the prime example of what happens “After the After”.
This is when the “All or Nothing” pendulum swings, you’re in the grips of the dieting gym bunny to coach potato rebound and feeling powerless to stop it.
The thing was – I already knew everything about diets. I had studied them obsessively since I was in high school.
I didn’t need more information. I needed more motivation!
I needed to know how to STICK to a diet.
That’s when I googled “Weight Loss Motivation” and stumbled across My Mind Coach a website created by mindset expert Kylie Ryan.
I thought I was SO broken and after a year of couch potato-ing I desperately wanted to get back my super toned, size 10 body.
I knew I needed help because I just couldn’t seem to stay motivated on my plan for longer than 2 weeks! (And I was a fitness professional – you’d think I’d have more willpower than that!)
I was beginning to think I might as well give up and just accept that I was always going to be fat and it was always going to be a struggle…
I was sure I needed AT LEAST 10 coaching sessions before I would fix this problem.
But to my absolute surprise it only took ONE session to really help me unpack what was keeping me stuck! Kylie told me what I was experiencing actually was a really common mindset trap for many high performing women.
A few weeks later she emailed and asked me if I had been eating better and sticking to my exercise plan like I had told her that I wanted her help with.
I actually just said, “No. Sorry, I haven’t. I’m just trying to enjoy life for a while.”
The truth was – I no longer had those large reservoirs of will power to force myself to do things I didn’t enjoy. If trying to force yourself to do things was a limb- it was like it had been cut off. I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything I didn’t really want to, every choice had to be the easiest, simplest choice.
And for a long time things stayed the same …… from the outside at least.
But after a while I noticed myself feeling more motivated, more positive, more trusting in the process and being far less critical of my body and what others might think of it.
The reason I show these pics is that it illustrates as how far willpower can really take you in a diet when you believe the myth “I’ll be happy when I’ve lost the weight”
The truth is – anybody can force their body to lose weight, but nobody can force it to stay off!
And here’s a secret most people never get the “privilege” to discover. I was exercising 3 hours a day, 6 days a week and I even ate 24 egg whites a day for over 6 weeks!
But even when I was ripped AF with paper thin fat levels all over my body – I STILL felt like I was a fraud and I STILL was critical of my body!
Surprise surprise – I couldn’t diet my Inner Critic away!
Today I eat to satisfaction, I enjoy my desserts without any of the guilt and I’m no longer afraid I’ll lose control on a holiday dinner.
I maintain a healthy weight and toned physique without deprivation, balancing macros or even vigorous exercise.
The biggest difference from back then (and the one that I’m most proud of) is that I just really have a deep sense of gratitude for my body. Critical thoughts about my reflection in the mirror just don’t have a place in my mind anymore.
I’ll also share what I actually did to create this radical transformation, and how I’ve helped hundreds of women do the exact same thing (and why you can do it too)
Until then remember –
Diets are for Dying – Life is for Living!
After suffering a fairly serious breakdown I was unable to cope with life in general. My body felt broke, old and frail – I didn’t just feel middle aged, I felt half dead. I hadn’t realised that my body was self destructing and I was doing it to myself, working long hours, too much alcohol, lots of bad food and absolutely no exercise.
After six months of working with Bianca, I no longer need my blood pressure medication, anti depressants and my cholesterol is in a safe zone. I have lost 2 dress sizes and more than 26 kilos. I now have a life outside of our business and can see a happy, healthy future for our family. I hope the person I became never comes back as I like this girl so much better.
I had heard of Bianca through some magazines – it was an investment but I had tried and failed so many times but in six short months, 20 kilos melted off me and it had a massive and unexpected effect on our styling business. While working with Bianca we secured a national gig, increased our prices to a level we previously thought no one would pay, AND we were booked out weeks in advance.
The majority of this 20 kilo weight loss has only been 5% diet and exercise, the rest has been an emotional journey. Bianca confronted me and called me on my BS and challenged some of my most deeply help beliefs about who I am. And the results are undeniable. I haven’t completely quit drinking, I still get to eat chocolate, I’ve had the best year in my business EVER – and perhaps the most important thing is how differently I react to things emotionally.
Who knew that taking it slowly and being kind to yourself could get you the results that yelling at yourself couldn’t.
Before working with Bianca I was super stressed and I thought it was too hard and I didn’t have the time to be slim AND successful. But I was surprised at how easy it was to implement Bianca’s system – I haven’t counted calories and I still pig out on foods I love. It’s been no coincidence to me that as a result of the new clarity of mind I’ve actually doubled my business at the same time I’ve made these changes to my body.